The Ultimate Judas

It’s been a week since adulthood punched me in the nose with its brass knuckles and kemosabe vibe. I mean, it really favored more Judas than ‘sabe, but that’s not the point. It had a sketchy, jaded kind of deep smoker’s whisper, as if to pull me into an alluring, 50% off sale at H&M that only I were made privy to. I was going through a list of fancy summer internships that I’m relying on acquiring in order to obtain further pasta this summer and rent money out in the sweltering, slow killer of your mother heat of Richmond. It all happened at once, like a trippy dream, like the cocaine trip episode of “Girls” (omg, another ultimate modern day Judas story, except Hannah was Judased twice, by her real friends). The first one read “Social media knowledge……. Bs, bs, bs.” It read like the end of my life. I gave myself a pep talk, I said, "You are an avid and proud member of the generation of narcissism, and if anyone can make up made up talents, skills, and individual specific trades (maybe frankincense or myrrh) at the drop of a hat, it is you young grasshopper.” So I allowed that to resonate. Then I moved onto the old “Whatever, Carrie Bradshaw couldn’t use anything but Microsoft Word and look at her now” mantra. It was all gonna be okay. I was channeling Hillary’s greatness and Beyoncé’s most fierce moments of bravery. I moved to the next to find the same predicament. The colors began to run together. It was a color pukefest. It felt like I, who rarely ran for any purpose, was in that facebook profile pic worthy, wildly popular Color Run thing.

All I could see was the repeated re-iteration of another pile of stress on top of the already crushing weight of a roommate that put away my dish .8ths of a second after I used it, immediately scolding my irresponsible ways, the expected debt coming upon me in a wave like that one in “Blue Crush” that knocked Kate Bosworth’s head into the rock, the piles of clothes laying on the floor and my bed that explained my inability to purchase groceries this week, the pile of applications picked up in my search for a new part time anything, anywhere. All in all, I was maybe a little on edge. I mean there was also that whole 15 credits to be trying to pass and two campus papers to be writing for every week (resume building), but hey!, I mean, there is always that extra time I had been keeping in the back of my “yeah, sleep is for delinquents” pants pocket to revamp my blog, start using it every day, and create a twitter to become active with, because after all, all the generation of narcissism is really good for is social media. And that was it. That was the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me economy of 2013.

So here I am. This blog won’t be about me feelin’ my muse, some political release, funny banter, or for the entertainment of facebook friends. Oh no! No. No. No. This blog is about achieving a job in a job world that doesn’t need me. It’s about proving with three months left that I am SUCH a blog, social media whiz that YOU (whoever you are) can’t let me go. I’m going to be the Kimmy in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” I mean, I’ll probably end up the Jules. Here I am, giving it the old college try. I say commendable to say the very least, but Who’s asking me?